"You've GOT to hear this one!"

DETAILS. 

My ears and my phone are the recipients of information that is hard to decipher because it comes at me in pieces. "Did you hear about that man that tried to mail himself?" "The kids down there are all holding hands and jumping off cliffs now. I can't believe it." Now the first example obviously doesn't mean that a man jumped into an envelope and the second one doesn't mean that all of them, whoever they are, are jumping off the cliff. But they're still like puzzle pieces that I'm forced to try to fit together. And the messages always come when I don't have the time to ask all the right questions. But they make me so curious that I have to ask. The man who tried to mail himself was actually Henry Box Brown who had himself shipped to the North during the 1800s because it was only there that, as African-American, he could be free. The second example is exaggeration based upon an incident in San Pedro in which a boyfriend and girlfriend committed suicide while in high school. That said, I have a friend who sends me messages late at night. 'I mean they're jumping all over her!" " They need to send her to the district office." To make sure this wasn't about a woman being stomped in the streets, I had to ask what she meant. "You didn't hear?! This dumb teacher gets in the face of some protesters and she's getting eaten alive on social media..." I'm supposed to follow every story on Facebook or channel 17 news? And I'm down for some drama, but for about 14 minutes in the middle of the day when I'm bored and transitioning from work to dinner. I guess I'm out of touch with current events, but I have methodically worked at being disengaged from the media since 2002. Knowing that some of the dramatic things I hear are nothing more than minor irritations or private mishaps, I've learned to go back to sleep when I get such messages. Yet, I often have to ask what my friend means. You think I would have learned by now that most of the events don't directly impact my life. Lately with riots and protests nationwide, I am affected at least by extension. I have another friend he shared certain things, all of them related to her personal experience. This particular friend has an expert sense of suspense, so I really enjoy listening to her explain exactly how she set fire to her boyfriend. I know the story ends well because he's still around and my friend has a smile on her face as she explains. It turns out it was a horrible mishap and not planned, thank goodness. The middle part of many of her stories tend to be hard to hear. The boyfriend was in the hospital for several days and had to have multiple skin grafts. I'd like to learn to tell stories like they do. So I'm rehearsing in my mind. Then I realized that I am already given to exaggeration. The effect is similar to that of a person who leaves out important details. "I was detained at the Canadian border," I'll explain. In reality, I was pulled aside and the airport because I failed to declare an apple. So they gave me a warning. It's not like I was trying to sneak across the border like some bounty hunter or fugitive who had just exposed the deep state. So I guess it serves me right for people send me jigsaw pieces: "A guy that I don't even know and I are about to get kicked out of college." I imagine a message will read. I won't be able to respond right away and forget about it. A week later I'll ask my friend, "Are you still in college?" ("Huh?") "I thought you were going to get kicked out." ("What you talking about? Oh, I know what you're talking about. No, just some dumb teacher thought that some guy and I were looking at each other's exams."). There you have it.

Faceless Facebook

Real life humor. I still have more than 20 friend requests I haven't responded to. In some cases I have searched in vain for what the person looks like or who we might know mutually. Ever notice how some people have a stuffed animal for their profile picture? Or maybe it's a video game Avatar. You look at their posts and every one of them is some sort of Candy Crush or online Slot Machine award they've won. Are they even aware that they have a Facebook page? It's quite funny. But I have to ask myself why a person is so secretive on Facebook. It's understandable that most of us don't like the way that we look. One of my favorite profile pictures is friend of a friend who has a collection of monkeys on top of a baby piano. Some are stuffed animals while others are toys. I searched through her profile because she liked a remark I made on my friends page and I'm delighted at how she's created other profile pictures from different animal themes and used as her profile picture. She might be 29 or 99, but does it really matter? I mean she's a stranger, so I think I understand now. We have a right to privacy until the time that somebody actually connects with us by "Friending." And it's kind of cool when you finally approve a friend request and you see that the person does have human pictures and posts on thought-provoking topics. They really do have hair, two eyes, and a mouth like a regular human and you find that they like to visit the beach with their family. You think back to a time when you were both in high school and barely knew one another. So it's weird in a sense. You know their name but you don't really know them. "Oh yeah', you say, "There's Linda Delvecchio." and she doesn't look a thing like you remember her in the yearbook photos or in your mind as you visualize her and her football player boyfriend sitting on top of the hood of his Camaro. The Letterman jacket with medals. And you see that she has grown children. Back to the anonymous friend request. Who is this person named "Po Po Chronic"? Is it a male or female? Is the person a saint or have they served jail time? Probably neither, but who wants to take a chance? Or the infamous "Bryan_mo_monye"? (I've changed the names slightly).